


Is this drowning? (dreamnotfound)

by totalsimp



Category: Dreamwastaken, GeorgeNotFound - Fandom, Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: ADHD, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Anxiety, Coming Out, Crying, Cuddling, Face Reveal, First Meetings, Fluff and Angst, Gay, Georgewastaken, Happy Ending, Humor, Lots of it, M/M, Pining, Slight Internalized Homophobia, cursing, dreamnotfound, dreamwastaken - Freeform, first fic on here, georgenotfound - Freeform, planes, slight depression
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-24
Updated: 2021-01-08
Packaged: 2021-03-08 19:54:49
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 14,753
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27172067
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/totalsimp/pseuds/totalsimp
Summary: Dream finds himself flying over to the UK to finally meet up with George. His mind is a mess and he struggles with his own feelings.(Tw and Cw before each chapter)If either George or Dream speaks out and say they want this type of stuff removed, I will immediately take it down.(Used to be called 'Is it normal to love your best friend?')
Relationships: Clay | Dream & GeorgeNotFound (Video Blogging RPF), dreamnotfound - Relationship
Comments: 50
Kudos: 507





	1. A long plane ride

**Author's Note:**

> First time posting a fic on here.
> 
> Sorry if it seems drawn out.
> 
> TW: mild intrusive thoughts, mentions of vomit, mentions/internalized homophobia  
> CW: cursing, adhd mentionings

Dream always hated flying. Well not exactly hate, but it was inconvenient for him. The seats always are too small for him and the cramped space and lack of room caused him to fidget constantly. But there he was, waiting in front of his gate to go to England. He felt nervous and his stomach was doing flips. ‘God, why am I so anxious? I haven’t even stepped on the plane yet,’ he thought to himself. He glanced down at his phone to check the time, the device read back telling him it is 6:12 am. His flight is at 6:30, he should be boarding soon. 

After being seated for a few more minutes, the gate was opened and he was allowed on the plane. After finding his seat and putting his carry-on away, he shot a quick text to George. “Hey, I’m on the plane right now, I’ll see you tomorrow.” The two seats next to him are empty, allowing space for him to stretch and easily access the bathroom if he needed. 

Not long after, Clay received a text, he hastily checked to see if George responded, but it was Nick. “Good luck on your flight, lmk when you land ok?” he read. Dream smiled at the text, he knew Sapnap was likely sleeping right now, so he probably woke up just to make sure he’s ok. Dream texted back, “Thanks, on the plane rn. Let George know when I’m close.” Almost immediately, he got a response, “I will, he’d probably forget lmao.” Dream chuckled to himself. George always forgets things and sleeps through important things. 

Dream turned off his phone and shoved it in his pocket. The pilot began to speak about safety protocols, which made Dream a bit more anxious. Dream, mildly ignoring the rule to stay still, bends over to his backpack and grabs some gum to help him relax from the plane’s take off. The nice minty taste helps relax Dream as the plane takes off. His ears clog for a moment but get cleared up after chewing for a few more moments. Now he’s left alone with his thoughts. 

Luckily the plane he’s on has power, so he can listen to his downloaded playlists on Spotify the entire trip, but that would get tiring. After waiting for the plane to stabilize, Dream takes his phone out again and grabs his headphones. He checks his phone battery, it’s at 53%. That should be enough for some music. He randomly selects a playlist, which immediately plays a love song. Clay skips it instantly, he doesn’t want to think about that right now. The next song is some song that Sapnap recommended to him a while back that he forgot to get rid of. It’s not bad, but nothing you would listen to over and over. Dream let it play out and felt himself getting tired, he hardly slept last night. He put his gum away and let himself nap to his music.

The feeling of turbulence woke Dream up mildly panicked, he looked around to see other people not as panicked. Seeing other people calm helped ease his worries. He checks down at his phone, it’s now 10:35 am. He’s been out for four hours. Upon realizing this, his stomach growls. He ate a quick breakfast bagel and wasn’t able to get anything else. He looked ahead and saw the flight attendants rolling the metal food box. ‘Thank God,’ he thought to himself. 

This whole time, Clay was more focused on the now instead of his meeting with George. The whole idea of it made him so anxious that he threw up last night. He didn’t really know why he felt anxious, it’s his friend after all. But something about calling him his friend felt off to him. Maybe he forgot the word best? But that also didn’t feel super right. He still felt excited to see him, it wasn’t a negative feeling. Dream had so many gifts for him, mostly American candy and some random knick-knacks. He even put on his own merch in blue to ensure that George can see him in the crowd. He was a little nervous since George hasn’t seen his face much. Apart from a few snaps and one facetime, Clay didn’t show his face much. 

Clay checked his phone and paused the music, he went through his camera roll to possibly clear it out. Lots and lots of pictures of coordinates from his speedruns. Some random screenshots of video calls with his friends. Clay stopped when he noticed he had a bunch of screenshots of just George talking to him on facetime, even some videos of dumb stuff he said. Clay smiled a bit, George really makes him happy,,, in a homie way. Clay decided to also try to sort his camera roll to really sort out his mess. After trying to sort out all the images of George, it amounted to over 100 images. 

“What would you like today sir?” a woman asked, snapping Dream out of his thoughts. “Oh uh, just a sprite and whatever chips you have,” he responded and flipped his phone over. The woman smiled at him and passed him his items, “Enjoy.” Dream smiled back and opened his can of Sprite. He took a sip and relaxed his thirst. He checked his phone again and went back to organizing his photo albums. 

After half an hour, he was able to properly organize his photo albums. 

His phone immediately read 5% battery remaining. Well, now’s the time to charge it. He took out his charger and plugged it in. 

Now Dream’s anxiety started to settle in without having any distractions. All of his thoughts right now were his meeting with George, it made him incredibly anxious. It won’t go wrong, after all, George offered to let him stay in his apartment. They could eat meals together and explore the UK for two weeks until Dream has to come back. 

But something about all this feels off to him. What if George doesn’t like him physically? What if they get into a fight? Everything about meeting George made him anxious. 

Dream chugged the rest of his soda and ate all of his chips. He checked to see if his phone charged at all, but now it’s at 7%. It’s also 11:15 am. 

God, Dream wanted to sleep the whole flight away. He looked around at the other passengers and saw many people napping or watching a movie on the built-in monitors. 

‘Of course, why didn’t I think of that. I could just watch a movie.’ Dream thought to himself. He checked the monitor and scrolled through the short list of movies. Some horror films and many romance films as well. There were a few kids movies and about three marvel movies, but nothing that struck his interest. He’s already watched the movie before or doesn’t seem too interested. There was only one movie that stood out to him. It was a coming of age film about a gay teenage boy. He didn’t know why it interested him. 

Dream looked around once again, he was on the window seat and no one could really see his monitor to see what movie he was watching. He pulled out the airplane’s headphones and plugged them in. He started the movie up and relaxed a bit after realizing his posture was both tense and improper. 

The movie played on, and Dream found himself mildly relating to the main character, though he wasn’t sure why. He wasn’t gay, was he? 

When the main character kissed his friend, he immediately felt a silly feeling in his stomach, not exactly a bad feeling, but not quite positive. That’s when he stopped relating to the main character. 

Once the movie finished, Dream was more than happy to turn off the monitor. He sat up and crossed his arms, feeling more anxious than prior. It’s now 1:02 pm. Just 7 more hours, thank god.

Dream checked his phone to see it is now at 87%. ‘Good enough,’ he thought to himself. He took the charger off and checked his feed, while it doesn’t load, he’s able to somewhat reread what he saw earlier. He sighed and turned off his phone. There’s no point in checking anything when you don’t have service. 

Dream stared out the plane’s window, nothing but the white of the clouds showing themselves visible. Dream sighed and fidgeted with his hoodie strings, while it wasn’t the best way of releasing stress, it helped him feel calmer.

Maybe he could try napping again? He didn’t feel tired but, there’s not much else he could do. He let his eyes close again, drifting off to sleep.

The sun was a nice orange shade as it started to set on the pale and empty beach. “Hey Dream?” the short brit began to ask. Dream looked over at him, the orange glow complimenting his reddish glow on his cheeks. “I’ve been thinking a lot about us,” he continued. He avoided his glance and stared down. 

“I don’t want to be friends, I want to be with you, Clay.”

Dream woke up confused, his heart beating rapidly. He swiftly checked his phone, and to his surprise, it’s 8:02 p.m. He slept through almost the whole flight. He looked over and saw a small box that had steam covering it. Dream opened the box and saw some rice and pork inside. He quickly opened the utensils and ate it. His dream and thoughts aren’t clear, it’s probably the lack of food right? 

Dream quickly ate his food, not exactly enjoying it, but still eating every last drop.

Once he finished, an announcement went on to tell the passengers that the descent is starting. Dream packed his belongings quickly and plugged in his headphones to his phone. He has plenty of power and he can just focus on music. 

He opened Spotify and played a new playlist with more calming songs. ‘In less than an hour I’m seeing George for the first time,’ he thought to himself. The music wasn’t helping at all, he felt sick. Why was his dream about George confessing to him? Why did he feel so happy in the dream? He felt so confused and dizzy, all of his thoughts hitting him like bricks. 

Then he thought, ‘If the feeling continues after I see George, then I,,, I like him.’ That thought stung him more than anything else. He can’t be gay. He’s not homophobic at all, but the thought of him being attracted to a man felt odd to him. He was always told that it was wrong and luckily with his new friends he was able to overcome those thoughts. But knowing those thoughts were coming from him made him anxious. Even worse since he doesn’t know if George likes him the same way.

Dream’s thoughts were interrupted by slight turbulence and he tightened his seatbelt. He shouldn’t overthink anything right now. Looking outside the window, Dream could see it was completely pitch black outside. Right, his flight lands at around 1 a.m. in Brighton. 

As the plane lands, Dream grabs his luggage quickly. Once he is able to leave the plane, he quickly swoops his carry-on and makes his way out. He takes in the view and feels the not humid air. It’s refreshing in all honesty. He looks down at his phone and turns on data roaming. 

The notifications pile on, causing his phone to vibrate for a couple of seconds before calming down. Dream sees he got a bunch of texts from George, but they don’t pop up. He opened them up and saw a trail of deleted texts. After them all, he simply states ‘I fell asleep on my phone and it sent a bunch of gibberish, sorry.’ followed by an ‘I’m at the airport now, text me when you are at baggage claim.’ 

Looking over the deleted texts, it felt weird for him to delete them. Usually, he doesn’t even delete typos or dumb remarks, but some random gibberish would have been funny. Whatever.

Dream passed by immigration rather quickly with no problems. He started walking towards baggage claim and texts George, ‘Hey, I’m grabbing my bag right now. What are you wearing so I can spot you.’ 

‘I’m waiting here. I’m in jeans and a blue t-shirt.’

Dream felt heavily anxious and wow was he shaking a bit. He spotted his bag, a regular black bag with a happy face drawn in white. He grabbed it quickly and headed out. 

Now Dream was taller than half of the people at the airport. So he was able to spot George rather quickly. Seeing him immediately triggered butterflies in his stomach. George was so pretty to him. Skinny, nice brown hair, and a cute dorky smile. Dream started walking towards him and felt like he was walking on air. 

George looked up at him and froze. Dream stopped walking and was now staring at George. Both of them stood in disbelief. After a few moments, George broke the silence with, “It’s really you. You’re here.”

Dream and George ran at each other and embraced each other. After who knows how long, they separated. Dream looked down at the shorter male, taking in his face and build. ‘Wow, he’s so attractive,’ he thought to himself. 

Now Dream finally realized, he fell for his best friend.


	2. A discovery

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: bullying, homophobia, depression, anxiety
> 
> CW: sexual topics (not explicit), cursing

“Come on, it’s late and we should head to my place, we can talk more in the taxi,” George states as he grabs one of Dream’s bags. He nodded and followed George to a taxi. 

George gave his address to the taxi driver and they were off. They were both quiet for the most part. “So, how was your flight?” George asked, breaking the silence. “Really boring, I slept through most of it and watched a movie,” the dirty blonde answered. “What movie?” George asked. Fuck, what other movies were there? “Just a Spiderman movie, I watched it before but I didn’t like any other movie on there,” he lied. George smiled slightly at Dream. 

After about 20 minutes, they arrived at George’s flat. Dream grabbed his luggage and George paid the taxi driver. George led the way to his flat and Dream caught himself staring at his ass for a moment. He quickly looked away and saw the emptiness and darkness around him. 

Once they got to the door, George let Dream in first. The lights were flipped on by George. The flat was rather small, but it had an okay sized kitchen and a small space with a dining table. “I got some bad news,” George said. Dream looked back at him, “Why? What’s up?” he asked. “I went to the store today and bought an inflatable mattress, it has several holes and it doesn’t even fit anywhere in this place,” George explained. “I slept the whole flight, you can sleep for now and we’ll fix it in the morning,” Dream offered. “You should sleep, it’ll help with the jet lag,” George retaliated. 

The two men were now staring at each other. “I’ll sleep on the floor, I have an extra comforter,” George said as he left the room. Dream sat on the floor to protest. 

George returned with a rather small comforter. “Jeez dude, I doubt that’ll even fit you.” Dream joked. George chuckled and threw it at Dream. “I guess you want to sleep on the floor where you belong,” George said with a smirk. Dream scoffed and organized the comforter. While he sat on it, he realized he was way too tall for it. “Dude, you’re too big to fit,” George said. Dream immediately laughed at the innuendo. “Haha, very funny. But seriously, you can’t stay on the floor forever,” George said slightly blushing. 

Dream got up and looked at George’s bed. “So how are we gonna sleep?” Dream asked shyly. “I’m not sure. I could just sleep on the floor and you take the bed. We can both sleep so we can go out and explore tomorrow,” George offered. 

“I guess, I’d feel bad if I took your bed though,” Dream stated. George smiled at him, “it’s no problem, I sleep there every night and I just changed the sheets yesterday.”

Dream sits down on George’s bed and brings his luggage close to him to get out some PJs. George walks over to his closet and takes out a shirt and sweatpants. “Do you mind if I change in here or should I change in the restroom?” George asks, as he still faces the wall. 

Shit. Dream doesn’t want to be a creep, but he also doesn’t want to seem weird about having his friend feel uncomfortable. “We’re best friends, aren’t we? You do you dude,” Clay was able to muster out. 

George looked back at Dream and chuckled. “Alright, but I don’t want you simping over me,” George said with a smirk. Dream laughed it off. 

The smaller brit then started to take off his shirt and pants rather casually. Dream caught himself staring for a moment but then proceeded to do the same. They both put on their respective pajamas and sat down.

“I’m still in disbelief that you’re here. And in my flat!”

“Sorry George, I’m not here, I’ve been dead for so many years, the accident wasn’t your fault.”

“Oh cut it out, Clay.”

Clay smiled at George. He’s glad he can relax a bit more around George. 

Suddenly, Clay’s phone went off. He scrambled to find it under all of his belongings. He read the phone call number and recognized it as Sapnap’s. “It’s Sap, give me a moment,” Dream said as he picked up. George simply nodded and went on his phone.

“Hey Sap, I was about to text you,” Dream said. “Dude, your flight landed ages ago, what happened?” Sap questioned. “I just got caught up with everything, I was gonna text you once I got settled at George’s place,” Clay responded. “Alright, that’s fine. I hope this doesn’t sound weird or anything, but I wanted to ask you something. Also, I’m not on speaker or anything right?” Nick asked. “Uhh, no you aren’t? What’s up?” Clay answered slightly confused.

“Do you actually like George? Or is all that just like a joke?” 

Clay froze for a moment. “Why are you asking?” He responded slightly defensive.

“I just,, I just keep thinking about how you two act around each other, and I was just curious y'know? It’s ok if you do or don’t. I obviously wouldn’t tell him,” Nick said.

Dream got up and muted himself on the call. “Hey George, I’ll be right outside ok?” Dream said as he got up. “Oh ok, leave the door unlocked for yourself,” George said, looking confused but mildly dismissive. 

Dream unmuted himself and left the flat. “Sorry I just left where George was,” Dream said. “Yeah, it’s alright. If you don’t want to respond that’s alright too,” Nick added.

“I don’t know if I do? I feel like I do but I just don’t think I could be gay y’know? I just can’t like guys,” Clay said. 

“Why can’t you like guys?”

“I don’t know,” Clay lied. He knew why. He knew it’s all because of his own fear and internalized hatred. 

“Listen, dude, I know how you and George are. You both are super close. Tell you what, you should work on your own feelings and if you think you really like him then I think maybe you should tell him.”

“How do I even work those feelings out? Like how am I supposed to know if I like him?”

“Just like with whatever other crushes you’ve had. You wanna hang out all the time, hold hands, kiss, maybe even more haha.” 

Clay fell silent thinking about it. Does he want to do all that with George? He just finds George really cute and nice. He definitely won’t deny wanting to spend all of his time with him, but that’s because they are friends.

“I can just hear the thinking dude. You should sleep on it. Let me know if you ever need to vent or ask for help alright? I’m your other best friend alright?” Sap said, interrupting Clay’s thoughts. 

“Yeah, I should go to sleep. Thanks, Nick,” Clay said. “Goodnight Dream,” Nick said before hanging up.

While Clay was gone, George was thinking to himself. ‘Oh god, is he telling him about my crush on him? No, Nick wouldn’t do something like that. He said he’d help me but I have no clue what that would mean. Maybe he’s just telling Dream to spend more time with me or talk to me more. He also did tell me to clean up a bit more for him. I haven’t cleaned my flat in ages and now I finally did, no more boxes everywhere.’ 

George felt himself yearning to talk to Clay and be honest with him. He thought of texting him about how he felt, but Nick told him to delete the messages so he can do it in person. George felt extremely nervous to confess in person, especially since he was pretty sure all the simping was just jokes, nothing more. George then opened his camera roll to check the messages he sent Clay before deleting them. He wants to use the same words, but he wants to be more sure that Clay likes him back.

Clay made his way inside again. When he walked into the room he spotted George still on his phone. “What happened with Sap that you had to leave?” he asked upon sensing Clay in the room. “Oh, just some girl trouble, wanted my help but didn’t want you to hear,” Clay lied. “Oh alright. We should go to sleep now, it’s incredibly late,” George said as he pulled a blanket over him. Clay nodded and made his way to George’s bed. 

Clay felt himself drift off to sleep immediately upon hitting the bed.

_It was all dark around Clay. He looked down and saw the tiled floor of the bathroom stall. He was sobbing and trying to hold back any noise. No one can know that he’s crying._

_He hears a knock on his stall and Clay stays silent. “Clay, I know you’re in there. We aren’t finished with you,” a deeper voice calls out. He stays silent and tries to figure out what to do. Should he slam the door open and run? Should he sneak into another stall? Should he stay put and hope he can’t be heard? So many ideas ran through his mind and he had to make a decision quickly._

_“You know it’s in the rules to beat up fags right? We can’t have people like you around here,” the voice continued as its owner wrestled with the stall door._

_Suddenly, a voice shouted out, “Hey! Stop messing with that stall door, sir. Do you want detention?” The bully responded with, “No sir, I’m sorry.” The presumable teacher walked over to the stall and knocked. “Hey, you can come out now,” the teacher said modestly. Clay opened the door and wiped his tears, his blonde hair was disheveled and unkempt. His eye was also black._

_“Hey, go to the nurse, I’ll write you a pass for your teacher. And you come with me, I do not tolerate bullying in this school,” the teacher spoke out. Clay made his way to the nurse’s office and was given a pack of ice for his black eye. He sat there in silence until his parents came by to pick him up. He never told them what happened. ___

__Clay wakes up in a cold sweat. He looks around and spots his phone. He checks the time and sees that it’s 9 a.m. At least he slept. He looks down at George, who looks quite peaceful sleeping on the floor._ _

__‘Is it all really worth it? Maybe I just think I like guys. Maybe all this just isn’t real and I’m just overthinking everything. George wouldn’t even like me to begin with.’ Clay thought to himself._ _

__

__George shifted over and stirred awake. “Morning Clay.” “Morning George.”_ _

__He yawned and got up from the ground. “I’ll make us breakfast in a bit, I wanna go shower first,” George said as he took some clothes out of his dresser. “Oh ok, thanks. I’ll shower after you,” Clay said. “Alright,” George said before slipping off into the bathroom._ _

__Clay got up to get his clothes ready, but let his phone drop. ‘Fuck, I hope it didn’t crack.’ Clay leaned down to reach his phone, but couldn’t quite reach it. He looked down and couldn’t find it. ‘It must be under his bed.’ Clay got off the bed and got on his knees and reached under George’s bed. His hand felt something foreign, not his phone, but instead a fabric._ _

__He pulls out the fabric and is rather shocked to see what it is. It’s a pride flag, with all the colors imaginable. ‘Why does George have this? Why is it hidden under his bed?’ Clay reached under once again to grab his phone._ _

__Clay turned on his phone and texted Sap, hoping he was awake. To his surprise, he saw that he was streaming. Ignoring said stream, he texted Sap, “I doubt you would know this but is George gay?”_ _

__He checked into the stream to check if he was busy. He seemed to be on the SMP just building some sort of tower. His game character stopped for a moment and he said, “Hold on a sec guys my dad just texted me.” Clay chuckled to himself a bit. He got a response rather quickly, which made his heart stop._ _

__“Pretty sure yeah, why?”_ _

__“Did he tell you?”_ _

__“Did he tell you anything about that?”_ _

__“No, I just found something in his flat and he’s showering right now.”_ _

__“Dude did you find like a sex toy or something LMAO”_ _

__“No no, I found a pride flag.”_ _

__“Oh shit, then maybe bro. He hasn’t told us anything though”_ _

__“Can you ask him maybe? I don’t want to seem sus.”_ _

__“Uh sure, I’ll text him rn”_ _

__Clay felt himself tense up as he heard George’s water turn off. He quickly pushed the flag under the bed and sat back on the bed. His phone pinged and Clay opened it at lightning speed. “He said yeah, don’t tell him I told you though, he hasn’t told me anything about telling you. I’ll ask him rn”_ _

__‘God, his best friend and crush is gay. That doesn’t mean he’s into him right? He can’t be selfish and believe stuff like that.’_ _

__“George just told me that he was planning on telling you today while you guys were out, just act surprised ok?”_ _

__“Ok, I will.”_ _

__“Did you figure out your own feelings yet?”_ _

__“I’m just more scared, I doubt George likes me.”_ _

__“Idk man, he seems to be into you.”_ _

__

__Clay was confused. What did he mean by that? He looked down and saw that Sap deleted the message._ _

__“Sorry, I don’t want to lead you on if you aren’t even sure yourself.”_ _

__“Now that I think about it, I’ll wait a week. If I feel like he likes me, I’ll ask him out. If he doesn’t, I’ll just drop it.”_ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I posted this kinda earlier than I thought I would, I'm glad I'm getting some good feedback. I'm open to more suggestions, but this is more of a slow burn, so nothing too serious.


	3. Processing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: Panic attacks, insecurity, and intrusive thoughts.

George stepped out of the shower and got dressed. He peered out the door and saw Dream on his phone. “Hey, the shower’s empty, I’ll make us breakfast,” George says. Clay looks up at George and nods. “What are you making us?” Clay asked as he got up, ensuring he wouldn't drop his phone this time. “Oh just some scrambled eggs and toast, nothing weird,” George said before walking off into the kitchen. Clay opened his luggage and pulled out a t-shirt and black jeans. He went into the bathroom and took a nice hot shower.

While Clay was in the shower, George texted Sap, “Do I have to come out to him today?”

“You should. It’ll only cause more problems if you keep it a secret. Especially since you told me first and not Dream.”

“You get why I told you first? I just need help knowing if I should ask him out or not.”

“You two should enjoy your first week together first. You can confess after that. Hang out with him and go out. Listen I’m streaming rn and just can’t text that much, lmk how everything goes.”

“Ok, thanks Sap.”

George put his phone in his pocket and made his way to the fridge to start making eggs. He cracked the eggs open, enough for two servings, and tossed the shells away. George reached into the pantry and took out some bread and put two slices into his toaster. 

After a few minutes, George served the food on separate plates and set them on his small dining table. He went back and got some orange juice for him and Clay. 

Once George was about to set off and go see if Clay was done showering, he saw Clay make his way out of his room. “How’d your shower go?” George asked as he walked back over to the table. “It went fine, had a bit of trouble figuring out your shower and was sprayed with cold water for a while,” Clay said as he sat down.

“You made this really quick huh,” Clay added as he looked at the food. “It’s just eggs and toast, it doesn’t take that much time,” George said as he sat down. 

Clay took a bite out of the scrambled eggs and immediately went through more. He wasn’t sure if it was George’s cooking being good or his hunger, but wow, he really wanted to eat it all. 

“Do you want more? You ate all that and it hasn’t even been 5 minutes,” George said as he put another mouthful of egg into his mouth. Clay shook his head, “I’m good, I’ll just eat the toast.” George nodded and continued eating. 

Clay started feeling anxious after he started eating his toast. He started processing everything Sap told him. He knows George is going to come out to him, but why didn’t he tell him first? Is he not good enough? Is George scared of him? 

“You alright? Does the toast taste bad?” George asked, worried for his friend who seemed to be deep in thought. Did something happen to Clay? 

“Oh I’m good, I was just wondering what we’re going to be doing today,” Clay said. “Oh, I should’ve told you. We’re going to the Brighton Pier. It’s basically an amusement park,” George explained. He didn’t really think Clay was thinking that, but he still answered. “That’s cool. I can pay for it today and I’ll pay for the taxi this time,” Clay added. 

“I already bought us the tickets. Let’s just finish up eating and we can get going,” George said as he put his last mouthful of egg in his mouth. Clay nodded and finished up his toast. He got up and brought his plate to the kitchen. He began washing the dish and George quickly got up, “Hey, let me wash the dishes, you’re the guest.”

Clay rolled his eyes and put the plate in the sink. “Fine, I’ll go brush my teeth,” he said as he left the kitchen. As Clay left, George entered the kitchen and began washing the dishes. He felt some sort of relief as he cleaned, he was so anxious eating that caused him to eat half of what he normally ate.

‘Is Clay going to accept me?’

“You done with the dishes? It’s been like ten minutes George,” Clay said as he entered the kitchen. “Oh Uhm, yeah,” George said as he dried his hands. “Can you call an uber? I don’t really know our address right now,” Clay said as he showed George his app not loading. “Sure,” George said fully with his dialect. Clay chuckled a bit, “shore,” he said with a mocking tone.

George lightly shoved Clay as he pulled out his phone. “It hasn’t even been 24 hours and you’re already making me want to buy you a ticket back,” George said. Clay burst out in his tea kettle like laughter. “What’s so funny?” George asked as he saw Clay trying to hold down his laughter. Clay kept laughing until he calmed down enough to say, “I-It’s funny ‘cause I’m sure you love that I’m here.”

George felt a bit flustered but just punched Clay in the shoulder. “Come on, the Uber will be downstairs any minute,” George said as he opened his door. Clay calmed himself down and walked outside and down the nearby stairs. George followed after him, surprised to see the day clear. It was supposed to rain today, but of course, George is glad his day won’t be ruined. 

As they both walked down, they spotted a car driving towards them with an Uber sticker. The man pulled down his window and asked, “George?” George nodded and opened the door for Clay. “Thank you,” Clay said as he sat inside the car. George sat next to him and looked over at the uber driver. “To the Brighton Pier please,” George said as he shut the door behind him. The driver nodded and began making his way to the destination. 

The driver gave some meaningless small talk, asking mainly about Clay and asking questions about the United States. Once they arrived, Clay was more than happy to leave and stretch. George got out of the car after Clay and showed him the tickets on his phone. “I’ll pass both of us in since the entry is mildly odd,” George said as he ran ahead towards the pier. Clay looked around at the oddly shaped theme park. He felt the smell of carnival snacks and sea salt around him, enjoying the vibe. 

“You coming or what? George asked as he was let in. Clay focused back on him, “yeah coming.” 

Clay made his way inside, taking in the view of the arcade and roller coasters in the distance. “This place is a lot smaller than what I thought it’d be like,” Clay said.

“How is this place small? This is one of the biggest attractions we have here in Brighton,” George stated, rather shocked. “Well, I’m used to Disney and the other parks over in Florida,” Clay explained. “This place is still cool, I’m not making fun of it.” 

George looked over at Clay and noticed that he seemed anxious. “You alright?” George asked, hoping for Clay’s honesty. “Yeah, I’m just jetlagged,” Clay said half lying. He felt tired and anxious. He stared back at his friend and saw how concerned he looked. “C’mon, let’s go to the arcade, I wanna win something for ya,” Clay said as he began walking. “Okay simp,” George said as he followed Clay. 

As Clay led the way, he saw a crazy amount of arcade machines. Some were older games such as Pacman and Tetris, but he also noticed newer games that seemed to be more crowded. Clay spotted a DDR machine and chuckled to himself. “Hey, George, why don’t you play the first game?” George looked at the game that Clay was in front of, “No way, I can’t dance.” Clay looked disappointed, he really wanted to see George dance.

“Ok, if I dance first, will you go after?” Clay asked. George looked at him pensively. Well if Dream dances, it’ll be funny and I can try to record it for myself. “Uhh sure,” George said as he held his phone. Clay found some tokens while he was looking at the machine. “I found enough for three rounds,” he said as he put in two coins. The title screen glowed and Clay picked a random song. He readied himself and pressed start. 

The song started out rather calm, but it eventually got more complex. Clay was starting to miss some of the arrows as the song reached its peak. George was laughing at Clay’s struggling and he was secretly recording the whole thing. “Stop laughing at me,” Clay said as the song began to slow down and he was able to hit the arrows much better. “You probably suck more than I do,” Clay added as the song ended. 

Clay stepped off the arrows and inserted more coins. “Your turn George, try to beat my record on the same song,” Clay said as he selected the same song. George looked at him confused and hesitantly went on the arrows. “So do I press hard on them?” George asked. “Just a solid tap, you should be fine, but then again, you’re short and it might not catch you,” Clay said with a grin. 

“Fuck you, I can do this,” George said as he started up the game. For George, the game felt much faster. He struggled to keep up with the arrows but grew more comfortable as the game sped up. Clay was behind him, watching his friend grow more confident in front of him. Clay felt a slight shift in his stomach, ‘Not now, I have the whole day ahead of me. I don’t want to start panicking.’

George finished up his song and was able to tie Clay. “Clay! Look! I got the same score as you!” George said as he stared at the game screen. He turned around to be met with Clay seemingly frozen in fear. “Clay? You okay?” he said as he hurried over to Clay. “Can I touch you?” Clay slowly nodded. George hugged the taller man. “I’m not sure if you can walk, but we should go somewhere quieter,” George said as he glanced up at Clay. Clay was seemingly dazed, not really responding to George. 

“Come on, I know a spot,” George said as he held Clay’s hand, hoping not to seem weird. “Follow me,” George added as Clay began walking. George led him to a more quiet and rather vacant part of the park, it was like an emergency exit towards the beach. Once they got there, George let go of Clay’s hand. “You can talk to me about anything Clay, I know something’s wrong,” George said as he hoped for a response. 

_Why am I so weird? Why can’t I just see my friend as what he is? He’s just a friend. I can’t have feelings for him. He’s just going to reject me. Every time he jokes about us is a joke, it’s all a joke. He’s just going to try to make me feel better. I shouldn’t be here. ___

__“Clay, please say something,” George pleaded. Clay was snapped out of his thoughts. In front of him was his friend, staring at him. “I-I’m sorry,” Clay said as he hugged George. George slowly returned the hug. “You don’t have to apologize, I just want you to be honest with me,” he said. Clay slowly let go of his embrace. “I’ll tell you later, I don’t want to talk about it now,” Clay said. George seemed slightly upset, but understood his friend’s remark. “Okay, is there anything I can do to help you feel better?” George asked. “Just, let’s just have fun,” Clay said. “Do you want to return to the arcade?” George asked. Clay shook his head no. “Okay, that’s fine, let’s go to the carnival games outside,” George suggested. Clay smiled slightly and nodded. George seemed extremely happy and practically dragged Clay back into the park._ _

___I really don’t deserve him. _____


	4. Games and a Confession

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tw: implied homophobia, anxiety  
> Cw: food, roller coasters

George spotted a carnival game and brought Clay over. “It’s a duck pond, I think you can win one of those little toy bears,” George said as he pointed to the teddy bears tied to the tent. “I’m gonna try to win, I’m pretty lucky,” Clay said as he paid to play. “Yeah, I can’t imagine someone winning that many manhunts and not being as lucky,” George said as he sat down next to Clay.

Clay reached out to grab one of the ducks. He picked one up and looked under it. It had a “Free retry” written under it. Clay showed it to the game operator and he let Clay try again. “Which one should I pick?” Clay asked George. “Whichever one looks lucky,” George said chuckling. “Wow that’s helpful,” Clay said as he closed his eyes and randomly picked one. He turned the duck and found “WINNER” written on it. “Pog!” Clay exclaimed. The game operator was slightly confused, but nonetheless, he passed him one teddy bear. “You really are lucky,” George said as he got up. 

“Yeah, anyway, here ya go,” Clay said as he held out the teddy bear to George. “Wait what? You won it, you should keep it,” George said. “I got it for you, just take it,” Clay said as he put the teddy bear in George’s hands, slightly brushing them. “Are you just going to simp this whole day?” George asked. “Hmm, maybe?” Clay asked rhetorically. He knew he was going to buy everything for George since he paid for the Uber and the tickets. 

“Okay fine, what next?” George asked. “Maybe we should explore and check what’s here?” Clay asked. “Yeah sure,” George said as he walked with Clay. 

After walking for a bit and playing a few more games, George was now decked out with three new stuffed animals. “At least take one of them please,” George said as he was struggling to hold them. Clay rolled his eyes and grabbed two of them. George then pointed towards a ferris wheel. “We should go on that later, it’s too sunny now,” George suggested. “Yeah okay that’s fine,” the taller male responded. 

“Hey, I’m a bit hungry, we should get a snack and maybe a locker to put the stuffed animals,” George stated. Clay looked around at the many food booths, “Where are the lockers? We can get food after we put the toys away.” “They’re this way,” he responded as he led Clay over to a small covered area with some lockers. George took out his wallet but was met with Clay already having paid for the locker. “Let me pay for some stuff at least,” George exclaimed. “Dude, you paid for the Uber and the tickets, I can handle the rest, you already know I make enough money to cover all this.”

The brit seemed to be hesitant, but he then carefully placed the toys into the locker. “You should name them later,” Clay suggested. George chuckled, “Like what?” “I don’t know, something cute probably,” Clay added. “That’s a dumb idea, I’ll just go through a name generator.”

As they closed the locker, George’s stomach rumbled rather loudly. “Someone’s hungry. Y’know, earlier at breakfast, you didn’t eat as much as I thought you did,” Clay said. “I wasn’t very hungry, now I am,” George explained. “Right, let’s get you something to eat,” Clay said as he started walking. He looked around and spotted a booth selling corn dogs, “Do you want a corn dog?” Clay asked. George eyed the booth a tad and nodded. Clay walked over to the vendor and ordered a corn dog for George. “Oh, can I get cotton candy too?” George asked. Clay nodded and added that to his order. The vendor nodded and prepared the food. “You sure about cotton candy? Isn’t it gonna melt?” Clay asked.

“What do you mean melt?” George asked. “In Florida, it’s usually so humid the cotton candy melts by just being outside. It’s not super quick, but it makes it less enjoyable,” Clay explained. “Oh that kinda happens here, but the humidity right now isn’t bad,” George said. The vendor came back and handed George his food. “Thank you!” he said before walking over to a bench. Clay then sat down next to him. “You didn’t order anything for yourself? Are you not hungry?” George asked. “Nah, I’m good for now,” Clay said. 

“Okay whatever, your loss,” George said as he took a bite out of the corn dog. Clay watched him eat the corn dog almost instantly, assuming he was super hungry. “That was the best corn dog I’ve ever had,” George said as he wiped his face with a napkin. “Uh, George? You have a ton of grease on your mouth,” Clay said followed by a giggle. “Oh,” George said as he tried wiping his mouth more. “You missed the spot, lemme do it,” Clay said. George looked up at Clay mildly confused but handed him the napkin. Clay delicately rubbed off the grease. 

_‘Woah, he’s so gentle. I was expecting him to rub roughly.’ _George thought to himself as Clay cleaned him. “Fixed it,” Clay said as he retracted his hand. George felt butterflies explode in his stomach, he really should confess to his friend soon. “Thanks, Dream,” George said. “Yeah no problem,” Clay said. “I don’t want to ruin it by eating the cotton candy,” George said with a chuckle. “Don’t worry about it dude, just eat so we can continue,” Clay said.__

__George started eating his cotton candy and was super invested in it. Clay was rather intensely watching him. George looked over at Clay. ‘Is he staring at me? Or is he hungry?’ “Do you want some? You’re kinda staring,” George asked. “Oh uh, sure, thank you,” Clay said. George leaned the candy over towards Clay and he took a rather small bite. ‘That was really cute. Wait, how was that cute?’_ _

__George snapped out of his thoughts and brought back his cotton candy. “I haven’t had cotton candy in a while, it’s pretty good,” Clay said. George nodded and looked at his cotton candy. He focused on the area Clay bit out of. ‘Should I bite it? Would he care?’ George looked up at Clay, who now was scrolling through Twitter. George then took a bite out of the cotton candy and felt it was slightly mushier. ‘It doesn’t taste any different,’ George thought to himself._ _

__Clay’s phone suddenly started ringing. “Who’s calling you?” George asked. “My mom, I haven’t called her, she’s probably worried,” Clay said as he stood up. “Oh ok, tell her I said hi!” George said as Clay walked away._ _

__“Hey mom,” Clay said as he answered the phone. “Clay? You okay? You only sent a text and that’s it,” his mom said. “Yeah, I’m sorry, I passed out when I got to George’s place and now we got to a carnival. Everything feels so fast,” Clay explained. “It’s okay honey. How’s everything?” Clay was quiet for a moment. “So far everything is pretty okay, my anxiety is spiking a bit though,” Clay explained. “Why is your anxiety spiking? I told you that you should’ve agreed to get medicine for it,” she said. “My anxiety doesn’t usually get this bad,” Clay stated. “Well, what’s responsible for it? You can talk to me, I’m here for you no matter what,” she replied. Clay looked back at George to make sure he wasn’t within earshot. “Can I ask you something?’ Clay asked as he tugged on his shirt. “Of course! You don’t have to ask for permission,” she replied almost instantaneously._ _

__“Would you still love me if I was gay?” Clay asked. The line went silent for a moment, causing Clay to panic a bit more and shake slightly. George seemingly looked over at him but didn’t move. “Clay, I’m your mother, I will love you unconditionally. Whether you’re gay, straight, or bi, I don’t care. That doesn’t impact my love for you, Clay. I want you to be happy and that’s that,” she said. Clay kept shaking. “Are you?” she added. “I don’t know,” Clay said._ _

__“Is it George?” she asked. Clay stayed silent for a moment. “Yeah,” Clay said. “Well I think you should be honest with him, but first, you should make sure you like him. I don’t want my boy hurting anyone,” she said. “If you do get together with him, you don’t have to worry about your family not liking him, he already introduced himself to me as your boyfriend,” she added with a burst of slight laughter. Clay smiled. “Thanks, mom. I should get back to George now,” Clay said. “Okay, just make sure you take care of yourself,” she said. “I love you, Clay,” she added. “Love you too mom,” Clay said before hanging up._ _

__“You okay?” George asked as he walked up to Clay. Clay nodded. “You sure? You were shaking and still kinda are,” George asked again. “I just spoke to my mom about my anxiety and it always makes me anxious,” Clay said. “Well, alright. Y’know what you need?” George asked. Clay looked at him confused, “What?” George smiled and pointed at a roller coaster. “Let’s go on one.”_ _

__“No fucking way,” Clay said. “Come on! It’ll be worth it!” George said. “You know I’m scared of them,” Clay stated as he tried to stand his ground. George grabbed his arm and started tugging, “It’ll get rid of your bad emotions!” Clay tugged back, not letting George move him much. “Fuck you’re kind of strong,” George admitted. Clay chuckled a tad._ _

__“I’ll give you $500 if you ride it with me, it doesn’t even have a loop,” George bargained. “No, I’m not getting on that thing,” Clay protested. “Fine, I’ll do anything you want me to do so you can ride on the roller coaster,” George bargained again. Clay thought for a moment. Clay then smiled to himself as a good idea went through his head. “You gotta say ‘I love you Dream’ and I get to record it and keep it,” Clay offered. George started blushing slightly, “God, fine, get your phone out,” he said as he stopped trying to drag Clay._ _

__Clay took out his phone, “Okay, I’m ready.” George looked at the camera pointed at him. “I can’t believe you’re making me say this. I love you Dream,” George said. Clay smiled and ended the recording and cropped it so it’s only George saying his I love you. He played it back over and over. “God you’re so annoying, let’s get on the roller coaster already,” George beckoned. George then yanked Clay by the arm and dragged him towards the roller coaster._ _

__“I can’t believe I’m doing this,” Clay said. “The line isn’t long, let’s get going,” George said. George led Clay through the line and now they are next to board the ride. Clay is starting to shake a bit. “Hey, it’ll be okay, there’s nothing dangerous about this ride,” George reassured Clay. The next group of people boarding was called before Clay could reply. “Let’s sit next to each other in the middle, it’s the least scary section,” George suggested as he sat down. Clay hesitantly sat down next to him. George brought the bar onto both of them and it made a rather loud snap noise. The attender passed by to check and gave them an ‘ok.’_ _

__“If you’re going to scream, just make sure not to blow out my eardrums,” George said as he leaned a bit closer to Clay. Suddenly, the ride started without much notice. It started rather slowly as it made its way up. Clay felt his panic set in, he can’t see when the roller coaster is going to start descending. Clay found himself getting closer to George. As the roller coaster edged its way over the hill, it quickly picked up speed, causing Clay to start screaming and panic. George also started to panic slightly and he quickly held Clay for comfort. Clay held him back and buried his face into George’s sleeve._ _

__After about 40 seconds later, the ride started slowing down. Clay looked up and saw that the ride ended. He was still clinging onto George. “Oh uhm, sorry,” Clay said as he let go. George also let go quickly, feeling slightly embarrassed. “That wasn’t so bad right?” George said as he pushed the bar off of them. Clay got out of the seat and stretched. “It was awful,” Clay said and chuckled. “At least I have the recording,” he added. “Yeah whatever, I’m sure you’re gonna leak it soon,” George said as he got off the ride._ _

__“I won’t leak it if you don’t want me to,” Clay said as he continued walking. “Yeah just keep it between us please,” George said as he caught up to Clay. “Alright, I gotta calm down after that, I’m gonna use the bathroom,” Clay said as he darted to the bathroom._ _

__‘Now’s my chance,’ George thought to himself as he walked over to a game booth. It was a rather easy game, just throwing a ball. It took him two tries to win and he picked the largest cat plush he could get. George rushed back to where he was waiting and checked his phone. Sapnap finished streaming a while ago._ _

__‘Hey, Sap, I’m going to confess soon. I’m doing it on a ferris wheel instead of a restaurant like I told you.’ George typed out and pressed send. After a few moments, he saw the three loading dots. ‘How romantic, but it’s the best for both of y’all.’ George felt more anxious at that. “Uh, George?” A familiar voice asked. George looked up and saw Clay standing in front of him. George snapped his phone off. “Oh! I got you this while you were in the bath,” George said as he held up the cat plush. “How’d you get it so quick?” Clay asked as he accepted the gift. “I won’t tell you my methods,” George said with a smirk. Clay chuckled at his remark._ _

__“We should put him away in the locker, the sun is starting to set,” Clay remarked. He looked down at his phone. “Wait, it’s so early? Why is the sun setting?” He asked. “Oh yeah, the sun sets pretty early compared to you,” George remarked. “Damn, it normally sets at 6 or 7 pm,” Clay said. “We should get going to the ferris wheel if you want to see the sunset,” George said. “Yeah, let me put away the plush,” Clay said. “There’s no time, the line is getting long,” George said as he pointed to the line forming. Clay sighed and walked over to the line with the plush. “This line isn’t even that long,” Clay remarked. “We will have to wait 10 minutes before we can get on,” George estimated._ _

__After waiting in the line for a while, they were about to be let on. “I think the timing is perfect, the sun is close to setting,” Clay said as he looked at the sunset starting to form. It’s orange and warm glow seems really inviting. It made him feel safe. As he looked back over at the ride, the purple sky started to mix into the orange glow. The sky looked like a painting._ _

__“Next up!” the ride attender called. “Nice, let’s get on,” George said. Clay and George made their way up into the cabin. Clay sat down first and George hesitantly sat down in front of him. The door closed behind them and now they were both sitting together in silence._ _

__“The view is kinda nice, the sunset is pretty here,” Clay remarked as he stared out the glass. The orange glow reflected onto his face, which sent a swarm of butterflies into George’s stomach._ _

__“Hey Clay? I should tell you something,” George began._ _

__Clay looked back at him, “What’s up?”_ _

__“I probably should have told you earlier, but I was honestly super nervous to. I just wanted to wait until we saw each other in person,” George began. He looked down at his feet, feeling the cabin swing slightly as they moved higher. Clay was looking over at George, noticing his anxiousness. “I don’t want this to affect our relationship and I hope you don’t mind it,” George continued._ _

__“I um, I’m gay.”_ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was a quick update with a lil cliffhanger. I'll make sure to write more for you guys now that school is on break. Thank you guys for the nice comments! Again, I love recommendations!


	5. No longer drowning

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: Depression, anxiety, topics of bullying, homophobia mention
> 
> (Used to be 'Is it normal to love your best friend?')

“I um, I’m gay.”  
  
Clay looked at George’s eyes. He knew this fact already, but still felt shocked.   
_  
__‘Did he think him telling me would make me not be his friend anymore? Does he think I would push him away?’_ _  
_  
“George, it’s okay, I accept you no matter what,” Clay began. “You’re brave for telling me.”   
  
George was still looking down at his feet. He was shaking mildly.  
  
“You know you can tell me these kinds of things, they won’t affect us,” Clay added for reassurance. George looked up at him. He looked into Clay’s kind eyes. Eyes that made him feel safe. 

They both sat together in a comfortable silence. The orange glow of the sunset started to fade as the sun was engulfed by the ocean. 

  
“You seem oddly serious, I could’ve sworn you would’ve made a joke by now,” George said, breaking the silence. “Why would I joke about something you are, it’s not my place,” Clay replied.   
  
The two were brought into silence once more as the cabin creaked as it moved. “How long ago did you find out?” Clay questioned, hoping to not seem weird. George thought to himself a bit. “Well, I always knew I think, but I kept avoiding it and finding excuses and dating girls, it just didn’t work out. After the love or host, I just tried finding myself and just settling with figuring stuff out,” George explained. “Is that why you were a bit more distant after that for a bit? I thought you were mad at me and Sap after we ruined the date,” Clay asked. George nodded.   
  
“I felt shitty, I knew it wouldn’t work out. I eventually came to terms with myself rather recently,” George stated. That statement made Clay realize something.   
  
_‘How is George able to accept that so easily? I can barely even think of coming to terms with it. Am I just weak? I feel so little and so weak.’_ _  
_ _  
__‘It feels like drowning. In a deep dark sea.’_ _  
_ _  
__‘I can’t be saved.’_ _  
_ _  
__‘I don’t deserve to be saved.’_ _  
_ _  
_ “Clay?” George asked. “You’re shaking, are you alright?”   
  
Clay looked up at George. “You’re so much braver than me,” Clay was able to stammer out.   
  
“What are you talking about?” George asked as he got up to move onto Clay’s side.   
  
“You can actually face that stuff and I can’t and never will,” Clay said. “I feel like I’m drowning, like if I’m suffocating,” Clay quickly stated.  
  
“Hey it’s ok, I’m here,” George.  
  
“You don’t get it, don’t you?” Clay asked.   
  
“I do, but I want you to say it,” George responded.  
  
“George I, I think I am too,” Clay said.   
  
“We should hug, if you feel comfortable enough to,” George suggested.  
  
Clay quickly embraced him. George was shocked at the sudden hug but returned it.   
  
“Why is this so hard?”  
  
“No one said it would be easy.”  
  
_‘Is this what love feels like? A tangled mix of hope and desperation? I think I hit an air bubble, I can breathe a bit.’_ _  
_ _  
__‘I don’t want to let go.’_ _  
_  
“The ride is almost over, we should head home, for now, we can order take out,” George explained as he let go of Clay.  
  
_‘It’s cold and dark again.’_

_‘Is he the oxygen I need?’_ _  
_ _  
_ “You’re right, we should go,” Clay said as he attempted to relax.   
  
The ride stopped and they both got off. “Let’s go grab the plushies and I’ll call an uber,” George said as he started walking over to the lockers. Clay nodded and followed.   
  
As they made their way to the locker, they opened it and realized the sheer amount of toys they had. “You should call the Uber now so we get picked up right when we leave,” Clay suggested as he grabbed three of the stuffed animals. George nodded and grabbed his phone and quickly called an Uber. “Three minutes away, let’s go,” George said as he grabbed the rest of the stuffed toys. 

George and Clay made their way over to the street and saw that their Uber driver was already there. George opened the door first to let Clay in. They both greeted the driver, who seemed to be rather tired. George confirmed the address and they were off.   
  
The drive was silent for the most part, both George and Clay were on their phones. _  
  
_

While neither of them knew both of them were texting the same person.   
  
‘Sap, I think I told George that I’m gay.’  
  
‘You WHAT? How??’  
  
‘Idk! I was panicking and I just said that I think I’m gay too, it wasn’t even like me being brave about it. Do you think George hates me?’  
  
‘Why would he hate you?’ _  
_ _  
_ ‘Idk, I feel like he just does, he’s ignoring me a bit and just doesn’t seem so happy.’  
  
‘Maybe he is just wondering how you feel? You did just confess after he did. I know I told you that you should wait, but maybe you should tell George all this tonight.’  
  
Clay paused for a moment and looked up. He saw that they were getting close to George’s flat. He looked over at George, who also seemed like he was texting someone.  
  
‘Ok, I’ll do it once George and I eat, I’m really beat.’  
  
“Good luck.’  
  
Once Clay looks up, he notices that the Uber has just entered the parking lot belonging to George’s apartment complex. He starts grabbing the stuffed animals to get ready to exit the vehicle. George seems somewhat shocked as he looks outside the window.   
  
The uber driver pulls up close to the stairs and wishes them a good evening. After they get out of the car and grab their belongings, they head up to George’s flat. George carefully opens his door and turns the light on.   
  
“Where should we put the stuffed animals?” Clay asked as he brought them inside. “Maybe my room? We can put them near your luggage?” George suggested. Clay nodded and made his way over to George’s room. He carefully placed the stuffed animals down on the floor. 

“Clay? Can we talk please,” George asked as he walked into the room. Clay started to get nervous, “What’s up?”  
  
“Did you mean that? I mean the whole ferris wheel thing. You didn’t say it explicitly and you also seemed really uncomfortable saying it,” George asked. Clay thought to himself for a moment.   
  
_‘I do mean it. I want to tell you how I feel but I’m scared. I’m scared I’m going to drown. I’ll drown in the deep sea.’_ _  
_ _  
_ “I do mean it. I just don’t feel so sure, I have really mixed feelings,” Clay admitted. George sat down on his comforter and gestured for Clay to sit in front of him. They both sat in front of each other.   
“What are those mixed feelings?” George asked as he looked down at his hands whilst fidgeting. 

_‘He’ll hate me if I tell the truth and he’ll hate me if I lie. There’s no winning.’_ _  
_ _  
_ “Just promise you won’t say anything about it, please. I don’t want this to affect us,” Clay began. “It won’t, please go on,” George insisted.   
  
“I think I knew when I was younger, I was more open to it but, I was bullied for it. That’s part of the reason why I became homeschooled. I didn’t want to be around that,” Clay began. “I just rejected that part of me and tried to live a life I didn’t feel like living in. It always felt like if I was in a bathtub and I was completely submerged and the water was completely full. I could stay and suffer, or I could move and cause a mess. I didn’t feel like causing any issues and so I stayed,” Clay continued. George scooted closer to Clay.   
  
“I was able to suppress those thoughts, but then, I started feeling them again. They were really strong. It felt awful and amazing. They only got worse as time progressed,” Clay said. He stared at George. He has to confess now or he never will.   
  
“If I don’t say this now, I never will, I love you goddammit. I love your smile and your laugh. I love everything you do George. You mean so much to me and it hurts that I couldn’t say this to you. You probably don’t even feel the same and I’m sorry. I just feel like you need to know,” Clay said before starting to shake profusely.   
  
Instead of anger, he was met with an embrace. “I feel the same way,” was what Clay heard come out of George’s mouth.   
  
_The feeling of warmth. The feeling of happiness. The feeling of joy._  
  
Clay returned the embrace. He felt himself melt into George’s arms. He started sobbing and George gently rubbed his back. “It’s okay, you’re okay,” George whispered.   
  
_Clay felt a huge relief. The feeling of air, the feeling of dancing among the clouds. Is this what love feels like? It’s no longer a tangled mess, it's a perfect mess._

“Please don’t let go,” Clay said as he moved his hands up to George’s hair. “I won’t, it’s okay,” George said.   
  
They embraced in silence, only broken by Clay’s sniffles and George’s small reassurances.   
  
“What are we now?” Clay asked. “What do you want to be?” George asked. “I want to be together, but I’m not ready,” Clay said. “It’s okay, I can wait. What are you comfortable with doing?” George asked. Clay went silent for a moment. “Stuff homies would do,” Clay said with a slight giggle. “Okay sure. I’d hate to break the hug but, we should get you something to eat, it’s late,” George remarked. _  
  
_

Clay was reminded of his own hunger, his stomach was doing flips. He let go of George. George got up and went into the bathroom. After a moment, he came back with a tissue box. “Here, get yourself cleaned up and I’ll order us something,” George said as he handed Clay the box. Clay started to clean himself up, realizing to himself that he hasn’t let himself cry in ages. It felt refreshing but also humiliating.   
  
George began ordering the food and sat down at his desk. “Do you want Sprite or Cola?” George asked. “Sprite,” Clay responded as he got up from the floor. George smiled and ordered the food. “Should be here in 20 minutes,” George said as he powered on his computer. “You want to watch a movie or talk to Sap on TeamSpeak?” George asked as he waited for his computer to load up. “Let’s talk to Sap and then we can watch a movie while we eat,” Clay said. George nodded as he opened Teamspeak and noticed no one online. He then opened Discord and saw Sap and Bad in VC.   
  
Upon clicking to join, the speakers immediately picked up on Sapnap’s screaming. “Hello?” George asked into his mic. “Oh hi, George!” Bad responded as Sap stopped yelling. “Yo! George! Is Dream there?” Sapnap asked. “Yeah I’m here,” Clay responded. “Oh-oh! I’m streaming right now,” Bad said. Clay frowned a bit, they can’t really speak freely. “That’s cool, me and Dream just ordered food, we’re waiting on it,” George said. “My chat’s going crazy asking about you two,” Bad said with his cheery voice. 

“What are they saying?” Sap asked. “Just asking why neither of them are tweeting about  
what’s going on, if there’s gonna be a vlog, stuff like that,” Bad explained. “If George tried to vlog, he’d just never edit it, I probably would just edit for him,” Clay said jokingly. “I edit my videos, I just make sure they’re good,” George responded. “That was mean,” Bad said.   
  
“So what did you guys do today?” Bad asked to change the subject. “We went to the pier. I got Dream onto a roller coaster,” George said. “Wait Dream, aren’t you scared of roller coasters?” Sap asked. “Yeah, but George and I made a good deal, not disclosing it though,” Clay responded. “Twitter is going to go feral over that Dream,” Sapnap said jokingly. “I’m aware,” Clay responded as he leaned onto George’s chair.   
  
Clay yawned as he reached over George’s shoulders to hug him slightly. George smiled as he clicked the mute button. “Dude you’re gonna make me blush,” George said and then unmuted. “Chat! Should George stream tomorrow?” Clay asked. “Oh God Dream, mods? Could you make a poll pretty please?” Bad asked. As the numbers started to pile up, it was very certain ‘Yes’ was going to win. “Guess I have to stream tomorrow, Dream can’t play though, he didn’t bring anything,” George explained. “I’ll just have to distract you, I can wear like a full mask,” Clay offered. 

  
“Bet,” George answered.  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi!! I've been meaning to write with more emotion and get out of my comfort square. I also should address that I changed the name of the fic to "Is this Drowning?" cause I feel like the prior name was too long and I just feel like it no longer fits with the outlook I want for this fic. Again, thank you for your support and I'm proud that I'm able to post more often.


	6. Pensive

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> cw: intrusive thoughts and food.

“Oh the food’s about to get here, we should get going,” George said as his phone vibrated with notifications. “Alright, bye chat!” Clay said as he got up. “Bye!” George also said as he left the VC.   
  
“Are we seriously streaming tomorrow?” George asked as he got up. “I mean if you want to? We should stay in, I heard that it’s just gonna rain tomorrow,” Clay said. “It’s always rainy here,” George said as he checked his phone. Suddenly, there was a knock on the door. “I’ll get it,” George said as he ran over to the door and grabbed the food.   
  
“What movie are we going to watch?” George asked as he set down the food. “Whatever you want, doesn’t really matter,” Clay responded as he helped George open the takeout boxes. “I’ll make a Twitter poll and see what people want us to watch. I’ll have the options be IT or The Little Mermaid,” George said as he pulled out his phone. “Dude what, everyone’s gonna pick IT,” Clay objected as he took one of the take-out boxes.   
  
“Well, what else would you want to watch?” George asked as he grabbed his box. “We could watch Shrek,” Clay said jokingly as he sat down on George’s couch. “I mean, bet,” George said as he turned on his TV. “That was a joke, but sure, we can watch Shrek,” Clay said as he put a mouthful of rice into his mouth. 

George opened his Netflix account and started playing Shrek. George sat down next to Clay and began eating.   
  
As the movie progressed, the two boys quickly finished their meals. George paused the movie. “Wanna be more comfortable now that we finished eating?” George asked as he reached for a pillow. “Uh sure,” Clay said as he relaxed his shoulders. George looked back at Clay. They both stared at each other awkwardly for a moment. “How are we doing this?” George asked. “We could just sit next to each other and lean on each other to start out?” Clay asked, hoping to not seem odd. George nodded and pulled the blanket over him and Clay.   
  
George leaned his head onto Clay’s shoulder and brushed his hand against Clay’s. “If you want to hold hands we can,” Clay said as he intertwined his fingers with George’s. Clay’s hands were slightly cold to the touch, but George enjoyed the feeling nonetheless.   
  
George played the movie back and relaxed a bit. He felt both safe and uneasy with Clay.   
  
_‘Does he really want to date me? He didn’t seem too thrilled. We like each other but Clay simply doesn’t feel ready to date me. Is he worried about something?’_ George thought to himself.   
  
George’s thoughts were interrupted by Clay’s laughter. George looked at the screen and noticed a funny scene just passed. Clay looked down at George. “Dude you haven’t laughed at all during this movie,” Clay said, slightly concerned. “Oh, I’ve just watched it a lot,” George lied. “You’re acting a bit off,” Clay stated. George looked at Clay confused.   
  
“What do you mean?”  
  
“You have that look on your face. You look like something’s messing with you.”  
  
George went silent for a moment. Should he tell Clay?  
  
“Is it about how I don’t wanna date yet?”   
  
Bingo, he got it.  
  
George slowly nodded. Clay squeezed George’s hand. “I don’t want you to feel bad about it. I want to be with you, but I still need to make sure I’m serious about my feelings. It’s nothing with you at all,” Clay explained. “What do you mean ‘serious’ about your feelings?” George questioned. “I just don’t want to hurt you George,” Clay explained. “You won’t,” George stated. Clay gave him a half smile. 

“I know, but still, just give me time please,” Clay stated as he looked away. George nodded and played the movie again. 

The two boys silently went back to watching the movie. Clay laughed occasionally while George started to drift off. Once the movie ended, Clay looked at George to find him asleep.  _ ‘Holy shit, he’s so cute. What do I do?’ _ Clay attempted to get up slightly but instead caused George to stir awake slightly.  _ ‘Shit shit shit,’ _ Clay thought to himself as he pretended to fall asleep. 

“Hey Dream we should sle-” George began before realizing Clay was asleep. George looked down at Clay seemingly peacefully asleep. George got up carefully and walked off. Clay squinted to look and saw George walk into his room. Right before Clay could do anything, George was walking back with a bigger blanket. George carefully placed it over Clay and gave him a small kiss on his forehead. The shorter male then made his way out of the room.  
  
_‘Did he just kiss my forehead?’_

Clay opened his eyes and saw that George turned off the lights.

_ ‘George just kissed my forehead.’  _ Clay reached and touched his forehead.  _ ‘That felt nice.’ _

Clay smiled and let himself drift off to sleep. 

George made his way into his room and closed the door behind him. He powered on his computer and checked Twitter. He decided to make a random tweet while waiting for his pc to boot up. “Can’t believe Dream passed out on my couch after watching Shrek,” George tweeted out. After waiting for what seemed like an eternity, his PC finally turned on.

He entered his password and let his applications run as he waited for Teamspeak and Discord to load up. George saw the amount of likes piling in and stan accounts asking about Dream. George chuckled to himself as he read the replies. He looked up and saw Teamspeak open and the voice channel empty. He then opened Discord and saw both Bad and Sapnap in VC. He checked Twitch and saw that neither of them were streaming. George joined the VC and was met with Bad and Sapnap yelling at each other.   
  
“What did I just walk into?” George asked as he adjusted his volume. “This flippin’ muffinhead stole my armor!” Bad exclaimed. “Well, you died right in front of me! It’s free real estate!” Sapnap yelled louder. “Are you guys on the SMP?” George questioned. “Yeah, we are,” Bad responded. 

George quickly opened Minecraft and logged onto the server. He pressed tab to see who else was online. The names listed were Georgenotfound, Sapnap, Badboyhalo, and Tommyinnit. _‘Tommy’s online? Is he streaming?’_ George thought to himself. George moved his avatar over to the community house to see where everyone was. In the chat, it read _‘Badboyhalo hit the ground too hard whilst trying to escape Sapnap.’_  
  
“Sapnap!” Bad yelled out as his keyboard made loud clicking noises. “You guys still fight off stream?” George questioned. “It’s fun,” Sapnap commented. “Oh by the way, how was your day with Dream?” Sapnap added. “It was alright,” George stated. “Just alright? You don’t sound as enthusiastic,” Sapnap questioned. 

“Well Dream fell asleep just now, so I don’t want to wake him up,” George said as an excuse. He didn’t feel so secure after Dream’s odd excuse. “Oh wanna tell Bad about the situation?” Sapnap asked. “There’s a situation?” Bad asked. “Sure, just tell him, I’m gonna fix my setup real quick but I’ll be listening,” George said. “So Bad, basically Dream and George like each other and they both came out to each other today and that’s all I know,” Sapnap explained quickly. 

“Wait came out as in sexuality or feelings?” Bad questioned. “Uh sexuality,” George said. “Dream told me that he has feelings for me maybe two hours ago? Right before we joined vc together actually,” George added. “Oh wow, I mean it was obvious Dream liked you,” Bad said with a slight giggle. “Yeah whatever,” George added. “We’re not dating yet, but planning on it,” George said as he heard a notification that someone joined the call. “Did I just hear dating?” the high pitched British voice asked. “Tommy?” Sapnap asked. “Are you streaming?” Bad asked. “No, just ended the stream a few minutes ago,” Tommy said. 

“Oh thank god,” George said out. “So what’s this whole thing about dating?” Tommy questioned. “It’s nothing Tommy,” George said. “Also why is Dream passed out on your couch? Did you drug ‘em?” Tommy asked with a laugh following. “Why would I? Nevermind, isn’t it your bedtime?” George asked. “I am a grown man Gogy, plus I don’t have college tomorrow,” Tommy stated. “Welp, I’m heading off,” George stated. “You’re so lame, I come on and now you want to leave?” Tommy asked. “I’ve been up far more than I’m used to, I’m going to bed,” George stated as he left vc. He dmed both Sapnap and Bad goodnight. 

_ ‘Well tomorrow is going to be interesting. Dream is going to help me beat the game. Are we doing face cam? I doubt he’d do a face reveal like that.’ _

George got up from his desk and headed to his bathroom. He brushed his teeth and then stood still in front of the mirror. He stared at his own reflection.    
  


_ ‘Does Dream think I’m ugly in real life?’ _

_ ‘He probably does. He avoids eye contact a lot. Maybe he doesn’t actually like me and it’s all just to make me feel better.’ _

George looked strongly at his reflection. 

_ ‘What am I thinking? Why am I being so down on myself?’ _

George left the bathroom and fell onto his bed. Upon hitting the bed, George peacefully fell asleep. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this took me a while and it feels much shorter than the previous chapters. I'll make it up by the next chapter. I'm almost done with midterms and I'll totally write more.


	7. Sweet Cookies

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the wait! I should be back on schedule from now on. 
> 
> CW: mentions of death, food.

_ It’s so cold. Goosebumps spread across Clay’s body as he took in his surroundings. He was in the middle of the ocean. It was dark. He looked up and saw a slight light awaiting him. Swimming up, he felt the chilling touch of ice. With a hard punch, he was able to break a hole in the ice.  _

_ “Dream?” a familiar voice called out. A short man ran over to him. Looking down at him was his friend George.  _

_ He extended his hand. “I’ll pull you out,” George said. _

_ Clay held onto his hand, waiting for George to pull him out. His body felt weak. _

_ He felt his hand being tugged on. “You’re going to have to help me, I can’t drag you out myself,’ George admitted. Clay looked and saw the sharp ice around him. “I’ll get cut if I do,” Clay said. _

_ “What’s a couple of scratches compared to death? If you don’t help yourself, you’ll die. Sure, the scratches will hurt, but it isn’t forever. It’s worth living,” George said. _

Clay awoke to a sudden police siren in the distance.  _ ‘Was I dreaming?’ _ Clay asked himself. He looked around to find himself alone. He felt his phone in his back pocket. The phone glowed harshly against the dark room. Upon lowering the brightness, Clay was able to read the time. It was now 11 am.

He got up from the couch and searched for a light switch. Once he clicked on the light, he began to search for George. Clay made his way through the hallway to George’s room. There, he spotted George sleeping peacefully on his bed. Not wanting to bother him, Clay left the room and went back to the living room. He went on to order brunch for the two. After ordering brunch, he quietly entered George’s room and grabbed some fresh clothes. He went into the guest bathroom that luckily had a shower. 

Clay turned on the water and began to undress. He stared at himself in the small bathroom mirror. His hair was messy and his eyes puffy. He washed his face and headed into the shower. He was happy to find some leftover shampoo and soap in the shower. Clay quickly and properly showered. After taking a nice shower, he went back to the couch and took out his phone.

He then went onto scrolling through Twitter, hoping to find something interesting. He saw George’s tweet and replied with, “That was the best sleep of my life.” While scrolling through tweets made by fans, he saw many people hypothesizing if he would do a face reveal.  _ ‘Huh, I should actually think about that,’ _ he thought to himself. 

Clay sat up for a moment.  _ ‘For today, since no one is really expecting it, I can do a face reveal. Everyone is just thinking George will turn off his camera or I’ll come in with some green jumpsuit and a mask. Maybe, if I can get the energy to finally ask George out, we can tell the fans.’ _

“Oh, you’re awake?” George said as he stood in the hallway. Clay looked up at George and saw his sluggish figure. His eyes were slightly puffy. His hair was slightly messy as his cheeks were reddish as well. “Yeah, I’m awake, I already ordered us breakfast,” Clay stated. George seemed surprised, “You did?” Clay nodded and showed him his order on Uber, showing him the driver is already on his way. “Oh, that’s the small bakery down the street, we could’ve walked there,” George said with a yawn. “That would’ve been more romantic actually,” Clay mentioned.   
  
George looked away, “It would’ve been I suppose.” Clay got up and walked over to George. “How are we doing the stream?” Clay asked. George stopped for a moment thinking to himself. “What are you thinking?” George asked. “I was thinking maybe I’ll actually do a face reveal,” Clay mentioned. “Wait really?”  
  
“Why not? Fans aren’t really expecting me to and I feel ready to,” Clay said with his usual confidence. “I feel sorta honored that you’re doing the face reveal through me,” George admitted. Clay chuckled slightly and reached over for his best friend.   
  
“You wanna go to a park and eat our breakfast?” Clay asked. 

“Yeah sure, I know a spot. It’s a 7-minute walk from here I believe,” George stated. 

“Cool, the food should be here any minute, let’s get ready,” Clay offered as he folded the blanket that was placed above him the previous night. George nodded as he walked back into his room and began to prepare to shower. Clay stayed in the living room, awaiting the food to be delivered. 

As Clay waited for the food to arrive and for George to finish his shower, he began to contemplate if he should ask George out. He should but he is also fearful of hurting his friend’s feelings. 

_ ‘Maybe I can ask if he wants us to be public when we start dating? I should ask his boundaries before I try anything.’ _

Clay’s thoughts were interrupted by a knock on the door. Once he got up and opened the door, the bag of food was on the doormat with no one in sight. He shrugged and picked up the food and gently began to open it up. Inside there were two breakfast sandwiches and an assortment of cookies. ‘I don’t remember ordering cookies, but I’ll take it.’ 

“The food’s here?” a voice called out. Clay looked over at the source of the voice and saw George walking towards him with his hair wet and a new set of clothing. “You’re wearing your own merch?” Clay asked upon seeing his outfit. “It’s very comfy,” George protested. Clay chuckled slightly as he grabbed the bag of food. “Should we get going? It’s about to rain,” Clay offered. “Yeah, let’s go quick,” George said as he grabbed his house keys and led Clay out the door. 

The walk was short and the day around them was rather cloudy. They found a bench with no one around and set themselves down. Clay took out the food and gave George his portion. “I wanted to ask you something,” Clay began. George looked up at him and took a bite out of his sandwich. “When we get together, do you want it to be public or private?” Clay asked. 

George stayed silent for a moment. “I guess public. I just don’t want for it to be super big. Like I don’t want it to affect our content,” George replied. Clay nodded. “Yeah that’s fine, I just wanted to ask,” Clay stated. 

They both fell into a rather comfortable silence and ate their sandwiches. The world around them was beautiful. Flowers of many different colors surrounded them. George pointed to one of the flowers, “Is that red or pink?” 

“It’s pink. You didn’t bring your glasses?” Clay questioned. “I hardly wear them. I look dumb with them on,” George admitted. 

“I think they suit you, it’s kinda cute honestly,” Clay says with a flirtatious smile. “You’re so dumb,” George replied. “Oh come on now, you love it when I compliment you,” Clay says.

George rolled his eyes and went back to eating his sandwich. He quickly finished it and started digging into the cookies. “Dude you’re gonna eat them all at this rate,” said Clay with his half eaten sandwich. “I’ll leave you some don’t worry,” George said as his mouth was half full. 

“What time are we streaming?” Clay asked. “Probably at like four p.m,” George replied as he stuffed another cookie into his mouth. 

Clay looked up at the sky above him. The clouds getting seemingly darker and the smell of rain imminent. Clay then looked down at George, who was fully invested in eating the cookies. His eyes full of happiness and a cute smile on his face. 

Suddenly a drop of rain fell onto Clay. And then another. And a few more.

“It’s starting to rain,” George said as he got up and packed the rest of the cookies. “We should rush to your place,” Clay said as he finished the last of his sandwich. 

The pair got up and quickly rushed to George’s flat. As they got under the roof, it began to pour. “Just in time,” Clay said as he gasped for air. George was panting slightly, but then made his way to the door to his home and unlocked it. 

They both walked inside and Clay sat on the couch. “I’m gonna chill in my room, I ate so much,” George said as he put away the cookies. “Alright have fun,” Clay said as he stretched.   
  
George got up and walked into his room. Clay quickly pulled out his phone and opened Twitter. 

_ ‘I could ask him out publicly. He might find it dorky.’ _

Clay began typing it out. He thought it should be concise and perfect. 

His tweet read:  _ @Georgenootfound do you wanna be my boyfriend? _

He looked at the ‘Tweet’ button at the top of the screen. 

_ ‘Here goes nothing.’ _

Clay pressed the button and felt his anxiety pile in. 

_ ‘Was this a good idea? He might not like it.’ _

Clay looked at the flood of likes and comments on his post. Many people posting reaction images or making jokes. 

After about a minute of reloading the tweet, he received a reply from George.

It read:  _ “I’m literally on the other side of the house” _

_  
  
_ Clay chuckled quietly in anxiety. He then quickly wrote back: 

  
  
_“Is that a yes or a no”_

He quickly sent that tweet out, awaiting a response. Not even a minute later, he got a response. 

_ “Yes.” _

Clay’s heart began to beat rather quickly and loudly. He felt his face get red with slight embarrassment and adrenaline. 

“You could’ve asked me in person you know,” George asked. He was standing in the hallway. “I wanted to make it special,” Clay said with a smile. 

  
“Well that certainly was something,” George admitted as he walked over to Clay. “Should we get ready for the stream? It’s in an hour,” Clay offered. George looked at his phone and sighed. “Can we cuddle and talk before it?” George asked.

  
  
Clay smiled and moved over to let George cuddle with him. 

  
  
“I love you, George.”

  
  
“I love you too Clay.”

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you guys like this!! I'll be posting every week, not sure how long this fic will be. I'll keep an eye on the comments for any sort of recommendation.


End file.
